A Cold Night
by HB rules
Summary: Post-Skyfall *so spoilers* Moneypenny tries to get Bond to open up as his feelings begin to tear him apart.


**Just seen Skyfall for the second time and had some feelings, so I thought I'd post a scene I imagined post-Skyfall between Moneypenny and Bond.** **The M mentioned is obviously the Judi Dench version. Enjoy my random hour-of-my-life-wasted ramblings ;)**

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Darkness had swallowed the city, taking everything and yielding nothing. There were no stars in the sky, no glimmers of hope in the distance; there was only a blanket of grey cloud suffocating London as it slept. Bond had no idea of the time, he didn't care, but it was bitterly cold without a breath of wind to rustle the leaves on the trees. To him, there was only silence.

Somewhere, beyond the bubble he had encased himself in, the city was buzzing with life even in the early morning hour. Had he listened, he could have heard the alarms of police cars, the laugh of a couple in love wandering through the park and a dog howling in the night – only he didn't want to listen. He was numb, as he had been for most of his life, only this was different and he didn't know why. Well, he did, but he didn't want to admit it.

The cold bit at him again, nipping at his exposed hands and cheeks but he welcomed the pain that it brought. People walked by him and didn't notice him; that was how he liked it. They didn't know that he had saved thousands by protecting his country, but he didn't really need them to. They couldn't fix him. James Bond, 007, hotshot – meaningless titles. He had survived, as he always did, but it was getting harder to be content with just surviving. The sky had fallen, but he was left standing. And she wasn't.

'Of all the places you could be, I didn't expect to find you here.'

Bond didn't need to look up to know that Moneypenny had just taken a seat beside him on the Hyde Park bench. He knew her from her voice, cool and smooth with just a hint of flirtation, but he wasn't in the mood to hear it.

'I was trying to find somewhere peaceful,' he answered irritably.

'Might need to try harder next time,' Eve smiled, though it never reached her eyes. She had seen the state Bond had come back in after Skyfall, and it frightened her. Some didn't notice that cold glint in his eyes, the rigidity of his body, but she did. She understood him in some weird way, and that was why she knew that no matter how many times he refused her, really it was her that he needed; or so she told herself.

'I heard that you aced your re-evaluation,' Eve said, trying to start a conversation.

'Yep.'

'I don't know why he asked you to do those tests again, M knows-' She stopped when she felt him stiffen. It hadn't come easy to him, calling another person by the name he knew her by, though Eve quite often forgot that the title had a previous owner.

'I…I'm sorry.'

'No need to be,' Bond told her stiffly. 'Could you just leave me in peace?'

'You look a wreck, you know.'

'Yes well that is none of your concern.'

'Only it is,' insisted Eve. 'Everyone else might think that the last few weeks haven't affected your perfect stony persona but I can see that it has. You won't even look at me.'

'Maybe I don't want to.'

'Maybe,' she conceded, trying not to be offended, 'but maybe it's just that you don't want to face up to what happened.'

'I have dealt with it.'

'Have you? Really? Silva's gone, you did your job. M-'

'-is gone too, in case you haven't noticed.' The bitterness in his tone was clear, and as he said the words he turned to look at Moneypenny with such anger flaring in her eyes that for a moment it scared her.

'I did notice,' Eve said gently, 'but it wasn't your fault, James. None of it was.'

Bond shook his head and returned to staring blankly into space. Eve could see the workings of his mind reflected in his eyes. He would never cry in front of her, she wouldn't expect him to, but she could see that it still hurt him to talk about it and for the infamous James Bond that was enough for her to see how much he cared.

'It's alright to admit that you miss her. She was a very influential woman.'

'I don't miss her,' Bond lied, 'she was just a boss, an authoritarian who had me shot; there are plenty more where that came from I'm sure.'

'You've seen others die, so many people, and it hasn't affected you one bit. But now…I can see it in your eyes, James. Don't lie to me, please.'

He said nothing, choosing instead to stare and ignore her. It was true, all of it, but how could he admit it? Weakness was something he wasn't used to feeling, and was damned if he was going to show.

'It doesn't make you more of a man for staying silent, you know,' Eve tried, leaning forward and putting a hand on his arm to no reaction.

'Fine,' she said after several minutes of nothingness, 'do what you want, stew in your own pathetic anger for all I care but don't say I didn't try.' Picking her bag from the floor, she stood and shook her head as she looked at the sorry sight before her.

'What happened to the man I once knew?' asked Eve as she started to walk away. She only managed a few feet before he stopped her.

'It was my fault.'

Eve turned on her heel to look at him.

'What was?'

'Everything. I can't say that I loved the bloody woman but it was my fault that she died.' Sitting beside him again, Eve put down her bag and waited for him to go on.

'Yes my mission was to terminate Silva, but it was also to keep M safe and I failed. I gave her a house and an old groundskeeper against a terrorist's army; what else was going to happen?'

'You did everything that you could,' Eve assured him. 'It's not your fault, none of it is.'

'If it wasn't for me-'

'-she might have died a lot sooner, along with God knows how many others,' she finished for him. 'She trusted you to do your best, and you did.'

'My best would have meant Silva dead and her still barking at me from the office,' corrected Bond, shaking his head. He didn't care anymore, it didn't matter; what was the point in being strong when all it gave him was more grief?

'How did it happen?'

'You know the story.'

'I know the official version,' Eve agreed. 'From your point of view, how did it happen?'

Bond sighed, deciding to humour her though holding back the anger bubbling in his veins.

'Well Silva sent in about ten or fifteen men before the helicopter. We didn't have much ammunition, so we improvised and M…she was as far back in the house as we could get her. She had made some nail bombs and detonated them, but when they were gone all she had was a gun. Some guy got close so she tried to shoot him, and her marksmanship isn't…wasn't the best so he shot her first.

'I killed him and found her. She said that she was fine, all that was wounded was her pride, and I didn't see it; I didn't see he'd hit her. I sent her down the priest's hole, Silva found her in the chapel and you know the rest.'

Eve nodded slowly.

'What would you have done differently?'

'What?'

'I mean if you had realised that she was wounded,' Eve explained, 'when you found her I mean. What else could you have done?'

'I don't know,' Bond answered, frustration in his tone. 'I'd have…'

'Told Kincade to get her out through the priests' hole to safety, perhaps? You were surrounded with a helicopter hovering above, what else were you supposed to do?'

'I could have found something, medical equipment-'

'Was there any in the house?'

'I don't know!' Bond shouted, slamming his fist down hard on his leg in anger and regretting it afterwards as a burst of pain shot up his arm.

'I don't know,' he repeated more quietly. 'I could have done something, though, anything. Put pressure on the wound, tried to get the bullet out I don't know. The fact still remains that I shouldn't have put her in that position in the first place.'

'I read the report,' Eve told him. 'The bullet severed a small artery in her abdomen. She should have been dead in a matter of minutes, unable to move let alone walk out of a burning building and up to that chapel. She didn't tell you that she was injured because she knew what was at stake, what was important – Silva. If you had saved her but not killed him, he would have found another more terrible way to do what he wanted to. Think about it James; M knew that she was going to die and she accepted it.'

'Well I can't,' Bond muttered stubbornly.

'You'll have to,' Moneypenny sighed, 'because moping around isn't going to bring her back. She was awarded the highest posthumous honours you can get, given a funeral with full honours; she had knew the risks of going to Skyfall and she knew the price she had to pay in the end. Do you think that she blames you?'

'I…'

'No, not even you believe that. M trusted you with more than her life, but with the lives of millions. She didn't just favour you, she admired you – your courage, your skill. She wouldn't want you to give up your position thinking on what might have been.'

Bond sighed and looked up. The cloud was breaking up, revealing the clear depths of an inky blue sky. A light breeze brushed his face, and he could hear the leaves of the oak trees behind him rustling a sweet chorus. There was a single star in the sky, like a diamond floating on an ocean, and it glimmered brighter than he had ever seen a star shine. He took the little ceramic bulldog out of his pocket and looked at it; God it was ugly.

'You still have that?'

'I thought it would be in bad taste to throw it away,' Bond told her, the ghost of a smile twitching in the corners of his mouth.

'Come on,' he said finally, 'let's get some coffee.'

'At this hour?'

'Somewhere has to be open.' James stood, offering Moneypenny his arm and they walked down the long winding path through the avenue of whistling trees. And that star, the first one in the sky, blinked once before disappearing into the cold night.


End file.
